This month, in only a few more days, I will be marking a special day, and will celebrate a personal achievement. It will be exactly one year since my last hospital visit. One year without pain, fevers, hospital rooms and the hopeless expressions on the faces of doctors who just don't know what else to do. I will be celebrating hospital-free good health for the first time in twelve years. I will be celebrating having my life back.
Last January nineteenth, I walked out of Wesley Long Hospital after two surgeries and twenty nine of the longest days of my life. For the first time in years, I had hope that my kidneys and liver would last a few more years. Maybe, if all went well with my recovery, I might even wake up one morning without pain. I'll admit that I had my doubts and fears. I have been down this road before. I told myself at the very moment my son helped me maneuver my weak and tortured body into the car, that I would make this day a milestone. I would get my health and my life back, and I would give myself one year to do it.
It's been a long journey. I knew that if I was to overcome my challenges, then I must first get my physical strength back. It sounds so simple, but when the realization strikes you that just walking down the drive way, even with the arm of a strong son to lean on, is the best you can do, it is hard not to get discouraged. None the less, everyday, I determined to go a little farther. First half a block, then to the corner, then walking alone to the next corner. It wasn't long before I could walk my dog around the block, slowly at first, but with purpose. Now it is nothing for me to walk my faithful, patient companion for an hour or more through the trails of Guilford Courthouse Park several times a week.
I have also discovered my limitation is the process of healing. Accepting them took some concentrated effort, and I had to learn to respect new boundaries. Jogging is out of the question for me now, as are rigorous gym workouts, but that's fine. I'm thrilled with what I can do. And even more amazed that by April of last year I was no longer in pain. A simple walk in the park is pure joy to me these days. How easy it is to take for granted what we once did without thought.
|by Gustov Klimt|
What is even more important to celebrate on this one year anniversary is my new found sense of what is of value. In finding my way again, reinventing and rediscovering my life, I have also discover a new balance. Things that once seemed vital, now seem an unnecessary expenditure of precious energy. I have learned to say no, without regret or guilt. I have learned the savor quiet times, and the great reward of contemplative thinking. I have learned that peace comes from within, and that like any growing thing it needs to be nurtured and cultivated. I have learned that time is a gift, and is not without end. I have learned that the true freedom of life is in the moment. It is up to me to make each day count.