“There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.” - Tennessee Williams
I've come to that point in life when mirrors become the enemy. Reflections are no longer a boost of confidence, rather reminders of what will never be again. Every line and sag seem less than fair and even more obvious in the fading light of day. Vanity is a much more powerful emotion than I ever imagined.
It's sad that what I see in my reflection of late seems almost repulsive to me. I find myself less and less comfortable going out in public, unsure of what I'm wearing, doubtful about my hair style or the fruitless effort of applying makeup. What a shame that at this time in my life when I should be feeling strong, radiant with wisdom and accomplishment, I feel only loss and grief for what once was.
No more mirrors for me! I am who I am, brown spots, scars and all. I'm tossing out the fade creams. No more bending and stretching, pumping weights and sweating bullets in an effort to defy gravity and the weathering winds of time. No amount of effort can change the course of nature. Yes, I'll take my walks, but not because it will delay the inevitable. I will walk because enjoying a sunny day and seasonal flora brings pleasure and peace. I'll eat right, because good health is important to me. But, I have no intention of depriving myself of those small culinary indulgences that are some of my few remaining pleasures. From now on creme brulee for the simple joy of it!
“Vanity is becoming a nuisance, I can see why women give it up, eventually. But I'm not ready for that yet.” - Margaret Atwood, Cat's Eye
In this modern world of ours, we are surrounded by images of perfection. It is easy to be fooled into believing we can stop time with Optic White toothpaste, youth activating creams and serums, Quick Lift facial surgery, breast implants or tummy tuck. Despite everything we might try, we are still who we are in the end, and we judge our reflection in the mirror with the same eyes each day. While I'm not quite ready to toss good grooming and healthy living aside, I am ready to curb the harsh self-judgement and daily criticism of things I simply cannot change. Besides, I've earned every one of these wrinkles and spots with some genuine blood, sweat and tears.